Because They Aren't Here
by Firefly1344
Summary: Takes place after Lies My parents told me. One Shot. Spuffy. He does what they can't.


She had to find Spike and make sure he knew that she wasn't a part of the plot to kill him.

He didn't come home after he left Robin's house and she knew he was out looking for something to kill. So, after Giles went downstairs, she climbed out her window and headed to the nearest cemetery. Several graveyards and not a single vampire later, she was standing outside a crypt, one she had spent many nights in, nights with the man that loved her. And that's when it hit her, and when it did, she just broke down and cried. She almost lost him tonight and that scared her. He was the one she relied on, the one that would always be there no matter what. And tonight Robin and Giles, of all people, tried to take that away from her.

He knew she was there, he could feel her. He was glad she was there, he wasn't sure that she'd come after him. He couldn't go home yet, he felt the need to kill something first. Unfortunately, somethings were few and far between these days, so instead he came here, to their graves; Joyce Summers, Buffy Summers, and Tara McClay; his girls, well some of them anyway. Anya, Dawn, and Willow made it all these years, not unscathed but alive, even if at certain times they wished otherwise. And he loved each and every one of them. He hoped they knew. His girls were the most important thing in his unlife. Right now he needed to talk to the ones he lost. There was a reason they were here, in this particular cemetery. No one said it out loud, but they all knew. It was his cemetery, the one he lived in since Giles allowed him to live on his own. They knew that Spike wouldn't let anything happen to the graves of the women they all loved, so they put them here, where they would be watched and safe.

Tara was the newest addition to this group that no one wanted to be a part of. Apparently Death felt that since the Scoobies got Buffy back, someone needed to take her place. Death was a sick bastard.

To alleviate the renewed need to hit something, he quietly told Joyce and Tara everything that had happened since his last visit. And slowly his anger dissipated as it always did when he talked to them, and now he was just filled with sorrow. He wanted to go home. He whispered a quiet goodbye to the ones who couldn't come with him and went to find Buffy. But as he turned to go, he saw her out of the corner of his eye. He spun around to look at her.

"Hey"

She'd been crying.

"Buffy?"

"I-I didn't mean to listen, I just wanted to find you."

"It's alright."

"What did you say to them? I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I was just-"

"Same thing I say every time I come here, since before you were here. I made a promise."

They were both looking at the place where the people the love laid buried, where she'd once lain.

"I promise to keep you safe, alive, and if I can, happy."

"Me?"

"You, Red, Nibblet, all of you."

"Even Xander?"

"Even Xander."

"Why?"

"Because they aren't here to."

"I miss them."

"Me too, pet, me too."

After a minute, Buffy spoke.

"Spike?"

He raised his eyes to meet hers.

"Let's go home."

The Slayer and her should be enemy walked home in silence; after all, they did have a big fight coming up.

A Few Weeks Later

The Slayer and the Vampire stand in the hellmouth, their fingers intertwined and their hands on fire. Buffy looked Spike in the eyes and gave him the one thing he's wanted for almost three years.

"I love you."

Her smile faded at his response.

"No you don't, but thanks for saying it."

He was wrong, she did love him, but he knew that. He's known since that night in the cemetery. As soon as he'd seen her, seen that she'd been crying, he knew. He knew she was crying because he'd almost died that night, almost been killed by two people who claimed to be on her side, one a friend, the other, family. But he had to get her out of there. He couldn't let her die, not again, not because of him. So he did the only thing he could think of, he told her she was wrong, that she only said it because he was going to die. He didn't know if she believed him or not, but it worked, and at that moment, that was all that mattered. And that day, the minute she was gone, safe, he joined Joyce and Tara, a lost hero.

Two Weeks Later, Rome, a Cemetery

Buffy missed him, god did she miss him, and right then was her first real chance to mourn his death; at the funeral, the one for everyone that died in the final battle, but mostly for Spike and Anya. She didn't even know that the gang had gotten head stones until right before they left for the cemetery. Willow explained that they deserved to be remembered.

"We wanted to write Anya Harris, but Xander wouldn't let us. He's still mad about leaving her. So it says Anya Jenkins, the date of the battle, and on the bottom it says 'She Fought Too'. It was something she said to Andrew. As for Spike's, Xander picked it out, chose the inscription and everything, we didn't even know until we finished Anya's. It says Spike Summers, the date, and on the bottom it says 'The Things We Do for Love'. On the back of both it says Hero."

They had nothing to bury but they were there none the less. When they reached the site everyone was shocked to find four stones instead of two. Buffy looked to her Watcher.

"Um, well, yes, we, Spike and I that is, thought it would be best to put them on the bus before the fight, I believe his exact words were 'just in case'. I think he knew or at least had an idea of what the amulet would do. He was prepared."

They were crying; Dawn, Willow, Xander, even Andrew, everyone except Buffy.

"He did this?"

"Yes, Buffy, this was Spike's idea. He was responsible for allowing all of this to be possible."

She knew he wasn't just talking about the headstones anymore. This, helping Spike, saying that, just being here, was his way of apologizing for what he and Robin did. The Slayer walked toward Giles and hugged him then she turned toward Xander. They were there for the same reason, not for support, not because their friends were gone, but because in the last battle, they both lost the love of their life, their soul mate. The carpenter pulled her into his arms and held on as if his very life depended on it. And for the first time since Sunnydale collapsed, Buffy cried. She cried for the girls that died, she cried for her friends and everything she put them through, she cried for her mom and Tara and for Xander and Anya, but most of all Buffy the Vampire Slayer cried for the Vampire she loved and lost.

Over the next year, Buffy built herself a new life. Giles was head of the new Watcher's Council. Xander, Buffy and Willow taught at the slayer school that was set up for all the newbies, as Willow called them. Andrew and Dawn were watchers in training and the ones who somehow kept the rest of them sane. And just so they didn't start to drift apart, once a week all the Scoobies would do something together, where they'd tell each other what was going on in their lives. What none of them knew, though, was where the slayer went every Tuesday night the minute the sun went down. No matter where they were, no matter what they were doing, the very second that dusk set in, Buffy was gone. No one knew where she went, Dawn asked once but her sister got a far away look in her eyes and said nothing. After that, they just let her go; no one asked where, no one followed her. They just prayed she was alright and as long as she was home by the time the sun came up the next morning, they would let her have her Tuesdays.

Los Angeles, Same Time

Cordelia was dead, Fred was dead, and the Angel Investigations team was devastated. They could save strangers everyday but not the people that mattered most; the women that they loved. Angel was the only one left from the original gang. If he'd never met Gunn and Lorne, if Wesley had never reentered his life, he'd be totally alone. Hell, he was even glad Spike was there and that was saying something.

"Angel?"

Since they returned from the Deeper Well, Spike had been calling his grandsire by his name. They were all treading lightly around each other, especially around Wesley since he stabbed Gunn, shot Knox, and then proceeded to completely lose his mind.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Wes, 'cause seriously, the man is off his rocker."

"Well, Spike, I guess that's what happens when you have to sit back and watch as the woman you love dies, knowing there is nothing you can do about it."

"Preaching to the choir mate, but have you _seen_ him? When he's not at home, sitting in the dark, drinking, he's here, sitting in his office, researching blue, acting totally loony."

"I've seen him."

Angel sat on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

Angel just looks at him.

"You're his friend, you can't leave him like that, he's gonna end up killing himself."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Well you can get him out of here for starters, get him away from _her_."

"Fine."

"Take Charlie with you."

As Angel leaves to find Wes and Gunn, Spike sinks down into the couch. He couldn't believe she was gone; Angel never should have brought them here. He knew what he was signing up for when he took this place. It was evil, a house of death, did he really think he could change that? Spike need to get out of there; go some where, anywhere-no not anywhere, Rome. He had to see her. He didn't think Wes would ever forgive him if he didn't, not after…everything.

_"She's gone, Spike, and she's not coming back, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't see her, or hold her, and I will never again get to tell her that I love her. I should have told her all those years ago, but I didn't and now she's dead. Don't make my mistake, Spike, don't let her go, not without a fight."_

So he would go; if she really loved him, even if she didn't, she deserved to know he was back. 'Cause god help him, it was still all about her.

So he went to Rome. He didn't know where she lived but he had her phone number-it was on Angel's desk-so he found a phone booth and called. He was beyond relieved when Andrew answered.

"Hello?"

"Andrew."

"Spike?" he whispered.

"Yeah, it's me."

He could hear Dawn in the background asking who it was.

"Can I tell her?"

"Let me talk to her."

"Okay."

"Hello?"

"Nibblet."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, Dawn."

"Oh, oh god, you're a-alive?"

"Kinda."

"What? How? When? Wait, where are you?"

"Rome."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you coming over?"

"Is big sis there, 'cause I'm not sure I'm ready to see her yet?"

"No, she's not here, it's Tuesday."

"Yeah, it is Tuesday."

"No, no I mean she's never here on Tuesdays."

"Oh."

"I'll explain when you get here."

"Alright, where's the house?"

An hour later, Spike was standing in front of the apartment. He was about to knock when the door opened to reveal Andrew, who invited him in then latched on to the vampire until Dawn pried him off. Two long hugs and quite a few tears later, the three of them were sitting in the living room.

"Before you start with the million questions, where's Buffy?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know. She goes out on Tuesdays, we don't know where, but she leaves when the sun sets and she's home in the morning, we don't ask questions."

"You don't know where she goes?"

"She is fully capable of handling herself."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Dawn got up to answer it. Voices could be heard on the other side.

"Why's the door locked? The door's never locked."

"Xander, calm down."

"Will, they don't want us in the house anymore. When they don't give us keys they say 'the door's never going to be locked, you don't need keys' but lo-and-behold, it was locked."

"Dawnie, tell Xander there was a good reason why the door was locked."

"We didn't want you guys barging in."

"Oh."

"Hah, told you. Wait, why not?"

"We have company."

"Oh company, I like company. Who is it?"

"He's in here."

Dawn pointed and the three walked into the living room. As they did, Willow and Xander stopped dead in their tracks.

"Sp-Spike?"

"Spike?"

"Red, Whelp."

"You-you're not dead?"

"No more than usual."

"But how, what, how?"

"Don't rightly know."

"Oh."

"Something to do with the amulet."

"When?"

"Almost a year ago."

"What?"

All the Scoobies except Andrew all yelled at the same time. The vampire flinched a little, he'd expected this.

"What do you mean almost a year ago? Why didn't you come find us? You didn't even call."

Willow pulled the now crying Dawn into her arms.

"Shh, Dawnie, it's gonna be alright."

The witch shot Spike a death glare over the girl's head.

"When I first came back, I was all ghosty. This bird, Fred-"

"Wait, Fred? You were in L.A.? With Angel?"

The witch was pissed.

"Andrew?"

The boy, who had been sneaking toward the door, froze at the sound of his name.

"Did you know about this? Did you see Spike when you went to get that slayer?"

"Um, well, see, I kinda-"

"Don't be mad at the boy, I told him not to tell you."

"Why?"

It was Xander who spoke.

"You knew where we were, obviously, so why didn't you come here. Why didn't you try to find her? Do you have any idea what you put her through? For two weeks she didn't shed a tear, not until that night, not until the funeral, then every night, every single night after that she cried herself to sleep, and now you're here telling us that you were alive the whole damn time?"

"You had a funeral?"

"Yes we had a funeral, of course we had a funeral, she loved you and you were dead. We even bought you a damn head stone, but that is so not the point."

"Xander, can you take Dawn and Andrew downstairs for a little while so I can talk to Spike?"

"Xander, come on, let's get some ice cream, okay?"

"Sure Dawnie, Andrew let's go."

The three of them left the wicca and the vampire alone, but not before Xander glared murderously at Spike.

"He won't hurt you."

His attention was drawn back to Willow.

"What?"

"Xander, he won't hurt you. He loves her too much to do that."

"Yeah, well, I think maybe I deserve it."

"No you don't and don't argue."

"Fine."

"Spike, why did you stay away?"

"Oh Red, how could I come back into her life. I died so she could have something normal, so she could have the life she always wanted."

"She doesn't want that."

"Even if she doesn't…"

"Even if she doesn't what?"

"How could I top that? I died, Willow, I couldn't just show up at the door and say 'hey I'm not as dead as you thought'."

"Then why did you?"

"I-I, you're not gonna like it."

"Hey, if it got you here…"

"I'm serious, Red. Wesley told me not to let her go, not with out a fight."

"And he was right, but since when did you start listening to anybody?"

"Since the woman he loved died."

"Oh."

"It was Fred."

"Oh god, she's-Fred's dead?"

"Yeah pet, she's gone."

The witch was crying and god did he hate seeing any of his girls cry.

"Come 'ere, Red."

He pulled her into his arms.

"But, how? Why?"

"This coffin, like a sarcophagus, came into the lab, and she inhaled some, I don't know, dust. An old one was in the thing and it took over her body and now she's gone. Its name is Illyria. Looks like Fred but all blue."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but, Red, there's something else, Cordelia is gone too. Was in a coma for a while and she never woke up, not really."

"God, our lives suck. Everyone keeps dying; Joyce, Buffy, Tara, all those girls, you, Anya."

They were sitting side by side now.

"Anya's dead?"

"Yeah, she died in the fight, she was protecting Andrew."

"She never was the brightest of the group. How's Xander taking it?"

"Not great at first, obviously, but he's better now. He'll be alright."

"I'm glad."

"I know."

"I don't hate him, you know. We just don't see eye to eye or something."

"He doesn't hate you either. He picked out you head stone, you know. Here I have a picture."

She got a photo album off the counter. It was black with for silver words on the cover; 'Spike and Anya' and underneath that 'Heroes'.

"They're from the funeral."

She flipped to the last page, there were two pictures of two different tombstones.

"He did that?"

"Yeah. He didn't even tell us. They're all there, all the tombstones. Well except Buffy's, that's upstairs in her room."

"So he told you then, Rupert?"

"Yeah, they were in the cemetery that night, right next to yours and Anya's. Don't ask me how he got them there by himself, but-"

"He didn't."

"What? Then how…?"

"Faith."

"But how do you know that?"

"I talked to her before the big fight, I explained that I probably wouldn't make it and asked her to do this for me. I'm happy to see she came through."

"Thank you."

"Welcome, Red."

The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before William the Bloody spoke.

"I think I know where Buffy is."

"What? How? How could you possibly?"

"Just have a feeling. Where is this cemetery?"

"The cemetery! Of course she's at the cemetery, how could we have not seen that one coming? We're so stupid."

Not gonna argue with you there, love. Now, cemetery, where is it?"

"Here let me give you directions, it'll take ten minutes to get there. How are you going to get there?"

"I brought a car."

She just looked at him.

"We have a big plane."

"Okay."

In the Aforementioned Cemetery

Buffy is standing over the graves looking down at them.

"There's not even anyone down there. There's just big rocks with their names on them. Sometimes I think it's pointless, but I guess it's, you know, the thought that counts."

She looked up at the sky.

"I've been coming here every Tuesday for almost a year, you'd think they'd know where I was or at least want to know. Dawn asked once, but that was the end of that. They never followed me, never even asked if they could come with. And you know what, I would have brought them, every single one of them, if that's what they wanted, but it's not."

"That's where you're wrong. They love you, they want to be with you, but you never told them that they could be, never gave the slightest indication. And you what, just expect them to read your mind, expect them to follow you?"

"You did."

"That's different."

"How'd you find me?"

"Red helped."

"You saw Willow?"

"Yeah, and the boy, the whelp and Nibblet."

"Oh."

"They were a bit more surprised than you are, well except Andrew, but-"

"That's because they didn't know you weren't dead."

"And you did?"

"Yes."

"How? Andrew?"

"No, I didn't know that he knew, didn't really think about it."

"Then-"

"Cordelia called me. I guess Angel told her about us and she felt I deserved to know, unlike certain other people."

"That's not fair."

"No, Spike, what's not fair is that you come back from the dead and don't even have the decency to tell me. And yes, I know that for a while you couldn't, but what about after that?"

She was facing him now and he could see the tears running down her face.

"Don't you want me anymore? Don't you love me?"

"Oh, pet."

He moved toward her.

"Of course I love you, I will always love you."

The vampire pulled the girl into his arms, and she buried her face in his chest.

"I missed you, and I meant what I said that day in the hellmouth. I do love you, Spike, I really do."

"I know Buffy, I know."

"Don't leave me again."

"I won't, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

After a short time, Spike broke the silence.

"So what were you doing here?"

The slayer laughed.

"What do you think? You were dead; someone needed to take over for you. No one else knew about, so it was only right that the job went to me. But then again you knew that, didn't you? That's how you knew I was here."

"Yeah, I did, but I just wanted to make sure."

"Spike?"

He raised his eyes to meet hers.

"Let's go home."

The Slayer and her should be enemy walked home in silence; after all, they did have the rest of their lives ahead of them.


End file.
